Babble behind the 8-Ball
Fortunes might rise and fall based on its ‘wisdom,’ but the real winners are the manufacturer and seller
Oh, Magic 8-Ball, give me an answer. Or a few …
Don’t count on it.
Twenty possible answers are printed on the floating die within your stark black shell, 20 answers ranging from positive to ambiguous to negative …
It is decidedly so.
That’s a positive! Answers adrift in the blue-dye amniotic fluid of your shell, awaiting only a sudden flip in the orientation of the universe to float to the surface …
Signs point to yes.
Where the blue dye is pressed away from the porthole on your bottom, and an answer to one of life’s pressing questions is revealed, rising from the mysterious depths …
Better not tell you now.
Huh? But I have a deadline …
Without a doubt Is that an agreement or a statement of fact?
Yes That’s even more ambiguous! When people have a perplexing question they need a reply to - or just a decision to be made - how do they know they’re getting a useful response from Magic 8-Ball?
pirates, money and styx
The number 8 in popular culture:
Pirates also liked the number 8. “Pieces of Eight” (real de a ocho) were created by cutting Spanish 8-real coins into pie shaped pieces (eight of them, perhaps?). They represented a standard denomination of coinage in the Americas, Europe and the Far East from the 16th to the 19th centuries. Some believe the Spanish 8-real coin was a predecessor of the U.S. dollar. The band Styx appreciated the pirate theme. Or the allusion to money, naming an album “Pieces of Eight” in 1987. — Katherine Nichols
As I see it, yes
There you go again. Sigh. Is Magic 8-Ball the modern equivalent of the Oracle of Delphi? Answers are always provided, without fail, but they must be decoded …
It is certain How do I decipher that answer? It seems clear, but is it?
Outlook good No, that wasn’t a question. That was just musing to myself. …
Concentrate and ask again Ask what? Oh, that’s right, Magic 8-Ball never provides specifics, just directions. …
Very doubtful Doubtful indeed. This use of the Magic 8-Ball just seems to be a variation of self-directed therapy, a fad among psychologists in the ’40s and ’50s …
Reply hazy, try again Magic 8-Ball was a toy fad of the 1940s, yes? Invented by Abe Bookman and manufactured by the Alabe Crafts Co. in Cincinnati around 1946?
You may rely on it The originals were quite heavy, imparting a certain gravid weight to the proceedings. Modern Magic 8-Balls, made by Tyco and Mattel, seem flimsier, and let air in eventually. Bubbles make the answers difficult to read …
Outlook not so good No kidding, Sherlock. Why the 8-ball, anyway? Because it’s black and mysterious, the central billiards ball, the only one with single color?
Most likely But the blue fluid inside. It’s like a dye. Any number of people have reported taking the ball apart, and discovering that the blue fluid is a permanent dye that won’t wash off …
Yes - definitely And that it tastes terrible. And makes your tongue numb. And stains you permanently blue …
wild bill hickok
The number 8 in popular culture:
Jack McCall shot Wild Bill Hickok in the back of the head while Hickok played poker in 1876 in Deadwood, Dakota Territory, according to HistoryBuff.com His cards? A pair of aces and a pair of 8s. Not so lucky after all. Ever since, it’s been called the “dead man’s hand.”
Cannot predict now That’s an observation, not a prediction. Here’s another observation. People who saw open Magic 8-Balls and dip their tongues in the fluid need better direction in life …
My sources say no No? Is Magic 8-Ball the one tool the hopelessly ambivalent need to make decisions? Is it random, reflecting a disordered universe, or is there a certain amount of mind-over-matter
Ouija at work here, a balm to those who believe in a Divine
Plan?
My reply is no
Oh, Magic 8-Ball! Even in an unambiguous answer, your meaning is rife with projected ambiguity. Would we get any farther if we simply Googled our questions and about Life and Love and the Big Picture?
Ask again later
